Welcome to the WBC

First off, a disclaimer: I love wedding blogs. Adore wedding blogs. Wedding blogs make my days happier. However…

I was just catching up on some 2000 dollar wedding posts that I’ve missed in the craziness of the past two weeks (I’m wrapping up a project at work). Sara’s posts from the last two Mondays really caught my eye and got me thinking. A lot of us feel pressure and anxiety about our wedding, especially from the “Wedding Industrial Complex” (WIC). And at the risk of making every other wedding blogger out there annoyed with me, I’d say there’s also another force at work: what I’ll call the WBC, or Wedding Blogging Complex. This is the phrase in Sara’s post that really started me thinking about this:

Some of us have anxiety about how to reconcile the kind of wedding we want with the kind of wedding our partners want with the kind of wedding our parents want with the kind of wedding our partners’ parents want with the kind of wedding magazines tell us we ought to have with the kind of wedding blogs show us we should have.”

First, a hearty AMEN to that!! I think it’s the single biggest thing that I’ve had to learn in planning the wedding was how not to stress about what “everyone else is expecting.”

However, part of that stress was the “look, they had a lovely wedding and did it for only x amount, am I a bad person that I can’t be happy with a garden/backyard/small/elopement celebration?” And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that none of the wedding bloggers I read have any intention of causing feelings of inadequacy in anyone else. But I know it happens. I have felt it. I have thought “perhaps we should give up the late-evening hors d’oeuvres reception at the historic inn I have utterly fallen in love with, and do a daytime wedding with a reception in the backyard of T’s parents’ admittedly gorgeous house.” And then I remember: it might be lovely, and it might be cost-efficient, but it wouldn’t be us. It wouldn’t be our wedding, it would be a cameo part in someone else’s play.

When I was looking for Meg’s betwixt and between post, which is one of my favorites, I stumbled across this post. It exactly captures what I think: make your wedding YOU. Whatever that is. Whatever it means to you. I LOVE bright green. But as I’ve mentioned before, wearing it makes me look like death warmed over. Barely warmed over. So while I can’t deny that it’s a lovely color, it really, truly doesn’t work for me. But I can enjoy it on other people.

I think weddings are like that: an amazing wedding may be something that you have to enjoy on someone else. I LOVE Sara & Matt’s wedding, but it wouldn’t “look good” on me. Same with Ansley & Carter’s wedding for 800 (yes, you read that right) of their nearest and dearest. Gorgeous, but not for me.

I’ll leave you with words from Meg’s Wedding Liberation Philosophy post, which I think sums it up perfectly: You know yourselves. You know your family. Trust yourselves. When you figure out what will make you happy, reach for it.” Amen!

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Published in: on March 19, 2009 at 3:39 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. Nicely put :-).

    The blogging pressure is a funny deal. I know lots of people feel pressured to throw a wedding that is laudable and doable and backyard-ish and midday all these fantastic things – but not at all THEM, as you say. And I think there’s a strange undercurrent running through our commentary sometimes, where some bloggers feel okay mocking a wedding that costs more than what they consider reasonable, but would never mock one that cost less than their preferred price. Obviously, there are much bigger problems in the world than worrying about upsetting high-dollar brides, but the fact remains – isn’t the spirit of mocking those weddings just as unfriendly as the spirit a so-called “practical” wedding would claim to embody?

    Food for thought, anyway.


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