I am the first to admit that I have been a stickler about the details of the wedding. I told T early on that if we were going to do this (as opposed to eloping, which I’m still a little wistful over…), I needed two things: I needed to be able to run this like one of my events, and I needed us to do a lot of it ourselves, because I couldn’t bring myself to spend crazy amounts of money on it. I knew it would be a lot of work, but I also knew that it would be worth it.
And it has been a lot of work. I mean a LOT of work. But it’s exciting to see everything coming together, and see a light at the end of the tunnel. That “end of the tunnel” goal is what I wanted to talk about today.
T and I were talking last night about finding the “oops, oh well” point. Throughout most of your wedding planning, little technical difficulties are “oops, need to fix that” moments. But at a certain point, you need to reach a place in which the little stuff is good enough. Just for the record, I’m not suggesting that you leave something major half done. It’s the little, “nobody knew that was supposed to happen but you” or “nobody else is likely to notice that” things that I’m talking about.
I think a lot of brides find that point too late. I have many friends who didn’t have a wedding coordinator, and ended up working on projects until the wee hours of the morning on their wedding day. That is, for the record, definitely not a criticism; if working on projects is what keeps you calm, by all means work on something.
But that’s not usually why brides are working on projects at the last minute. The pressure to have everything perfect for your wedding is an overwhelming force that can be hard to explain. Editing is so important, but SO hard to do – somehow, something about a wedding convinces normally level-headed women that everyone they know will talk about them for the next 10 years if they don’t have X, Y, and Z at their wedding. And I’m not going to lie: I’ve been to weddings that were so unbelievably tacky that they’ve spawned code words for the concept. But if you normally have good taste, good judgement, and a decent eye for details, your wedding is probably not going to be one of those. But that’s a hard thing to remind yourself of when the tidal wave of the WIC comes crashing down on you.
I’ve always said that I don’t want to have anything left to do the week of our wedding. So far, I’m on track to come close to that goal: I’ll probably need to work on stuff the first couple of days, but should be done by Tuesday. The reason I had this goal? I have a harder time than most of letting go of an event. I’m always the one behind the scenes making sure everything runs well. So not knowing what’s going on behind the scenes is a little stressful to me. It gets worse when I’m tired. So I knew that if I was going to be able to enjoy our wedding at all, I was going to have to have at least a few days of “control withdrawal,” to get used to the idea that yes, my wonderful day-of team is just as capable as I thought when I asked them to help, and they will make my vision come together.
So I’ve had to find the “oops, oh well” point a lot sooner than I might otherwise have. Labels on a couple of bottles a little crooked? Oops, oh well, hopefully they’ll be enchanted by the idea and miss the crookedness. Not enough time to finish all of the tissue paper flowers for the whole sanctuary ceiling? Oops, oh well, we’ll just line the aisle. Didn’t get the valet parking key board done? Oops, oh well, people are used to parking their own cars at the church anyway.
It’s really strange and freeing: the closer I get to the wedding, the less stressed I get. I know everything isn’t going to be perfect, but I think it’s going to be pretty great anyway, and perfect never happens anyway. I really wanted to concentrate on things for the guests, and those are the things that are getting done, for the most part. I love our favors, and OOT baskets, and stuff for the kids’ party. The major parts are done, and the rest will come together as it does.
And that will be ok.